Are You A SIMP?

I am occasionally asked questions about how to be respectful when purchasing adult content. Recently, however,  I was asked specifically about how to order custom videos, subscribe to a fan site, or monetarily support sex workers online without coming off as a SIMP. First, let’s break down what a SIMP is. 

What is a SIMP?

The term SIMP comes from sex work culture and was made popular by hip-hop artists, such as Too Short. It originally meant Suckas Idolizing Mediocre Pussy. It referred to men who fall in love with full-service sex workers. Think of those folks who believe the stripper actually wants them. It was degrading toward both the sex worker and their client alike, and most often appropriated by men who fashioned themselves above paying for services, or by predatory abusers who called themselves pimps. 

Nowadays, SIMP is a more encompassing term for those who fall head over heels to please any person they find attractive, usually to their own detriment, and exhibit embarrassing & pathetic behaviors. These include begging for free attention, putting themselves down in hopes they get someone to like them, and spamming the comments, DMs, or likes section of someone’s social media. Their aims are obviously self-gratifying and they almost never take the object of their admiration’s boundaries, let alone their wants, into consideration. 

When I and other sex workers use the term,  it’s about those who don’t understand this is a job just like any other job. Our job is to provide entertainment, escapism, and fantasy. That last part is the most important; it’s when someone doesn’t want to acknowledge the fantasy aspect that things can become problematic, and potentially even dangerous. It’s easy to form a parasocial relationship with someone whose job is to give a fuck about your wants and needs in an intimate way. That’s not to say client and provider friendships never happen, but that comes with time and trust. The key is to remember this is a transactional relationship and respectfully treat it as such. 

There is a culture of shaming people for interacting with sex workers. Calling someone a SIMP is meant to shame particularly straight, cis men, who want the luxury of purchasing an experience from their favorite sex workers. Part of this stems from the expectation of women’s sexual and emotional labor for free (read as entitlement & exploitation). Women grow up and are socialized by being told men’s wants and needs should be put above their own; so when sex workers take our autonomy and power over these decisions into our own hands, it’s weaponized by society at large as shameful. Not just for those who do it, but for those who support us as well. SIMPing is just the new name for the same old shaming tactics used to disparage sex workers and their patrons forever. 

How not to SIMP

There are a lot of ways to be a good patron of smut and not be a gooning, pathetic SIMP, or pick-me. 

The best thing you can do, obviously, is purchase content or experiences, like custom videos & photos, or book a session. Next, be patient with the turnaround time with custom content and respect the provider’s booking methods. Don’t forget to leave a generous tip or donation to our preferred payment app or you could buy something off of our wishlists to make our lives a little easier (plus you get the added bonus of having us think of you any time we use it). If you’re a budget smut aficionado you can always share & save our posts and leave likes & comments to boost our voices & presence on social media, which loves to shadow-ban and deplatform us. Everyone should be writing to their representatives about repealing SESTA/FOSTA. You might be thinking “Nova, that doesn’t sound any different than what you’re supposed to do,” and that’s my point: We’re just like any other content creators and laborers so interaction doesn’t automatically make you a SIMP. Compliments, as long as they’re consensual & respectful and not overtly sexual are usually welcomed (but I can’t speak for everyone on that). The main thing to keep in mind is a lot of sex workers receive hundreds of messages and compliments each day, so supporting in monetary ways or boosting our voices is ideal and does not mean you’re a worthless SIMP (unless that’s part of your negotiated BDSM dynamic). 

By supporting sex workers, and making sure all acts & transactions are consensual, you’re ensuring our ability to make a living and cutting out a huge industry of exploitation and non-consensual trafficking. Good for humanity, sex workers, and patrons overall; bad for slave traders and underground markets- an issue exacerbated by the passing of SESTA/FOSTA. Most sex workers will be glad for your direct contributions for this reason as well. We want to keep people safe no matter how or why they do the job. 

I personally love interacting with anyone who supports me by purchasing my content or experiences. I’m a really curious person by nature, so I love picking apart someone’s brain and finding out what makes them tick. I find it easier when you have a more relaxed, less formal, conversation to do just that. I have limited time to interact with everyone who reaches out so, of course, I prioritize those who make my life easier AND don’t beg for attention, aka SIMP. 

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