Have you ever stumbled upon those posts that talk about relationship red flags or toxic traits in Dom(me)s or submissives? They can be pretty helpful in learning how to protect yourself when you’re new to the D/s world. But what about recognizing healthy traits? It’s equally important to know what to look for in people who align with your personal ethics, values, and boundaries.
Think about it, if you’ve never experienced a healthy relationship or are not sure what it entails, these traits can give you valuable insight into what a good one should look like. It’s like having a blueprint on what to look out for in a partner or a friend, and what to avoid.
Moreover, let’s not forget that these are traits we should all hold ourselves to, regardless of our roles in the relationship. It’s not fair to expect something from others and then not give them the same in return. We should strive to be the kind of people we want to attract.
Personally, I always try to do my best for someone I care about because they deserve nothing less. I believe that healthy relationships are built on mutual respect, trust, and open communication. When we nurture these traits in ourselves and others, we create a safe and fulfilling environment where everyone can thrive and build trust.
Some of my personal green flags:
- When words are in line with actions
- Respects everyone’s boundaries, not just yours
- Communicates honestly and openly
- Emotionally mature and available, empathetic
- Able to accept mistakes without having an emotional breakdown
- Attentive when you’re speaking or voicing needs. Not on their phone or interrupting.
- Breaking down patriarchal & religious concepts of masculine and feminine energies. Gendered energies are a yt supremacist tool to maintain control.
- Healthy self-care and hygiene habits, Basically a show of respect for themselves.
- Respectful of everyone. Yes, especially waitstaff and people they don’t find fuckable or personally beneficial.
- Egalitarian political alignment
- Working toward their goals
- Interested in listening to and processing feedback (bonus points for taking time to reflect and revisit)
- Eager to learn
Take some time to consider what healthy traits you value and how you can cultivate them in yourself and your D/s relationships. You might be surprised by how much of a positive impact they can have on your kinky exploration!