Understanding Power Dynamics: A Guide to BDSM 101
In the context of BDSM, it’s crucial to understand the different types of power dynamics. Some newcomers might be confused due to misinformation, so I’m here to clarify some basic definitions.
“topping”, “bottoming”, “Dominance”, “submission”, “switching”, and “Total Power Exchange (TPE)” each refer to different types of power dynamics.
Topping & Bottoming
Topping generally refers to the act of giving physical sensations and does not necessarily involve power exchange.
Bottoming typically refers to the act of receiving physical sensations rather than the power dynamic. A bottom may have control over the scene and direct what actions are taking place. This can look like “topping from the bottom” if there has not been clear communication of expectations beforehand.
Dominance & Submission
Dominance, the big “D” in the D/s dynamic, is a form of power exchange where the submissive consensually gives some level of control to the Dominant partner within negotiated limits for a certain period. The level of control can vary greatly, from minor decisions to more significant ones as described above.
Submission, or the “s” in D/s, is a power exchange where the submissive gives up control to their Dominant partner within negotiated limits for a certain period. Giving up control can look like many different things- from having no say in what they wear one day, to what happens to their body, to more risky activities that I will not be listing because this is 101 information we’re discussing right now.
Total Power Exchange (TPE)
Total Power Exchange (TPE), aka 24/7 relationship, is a type of power dynamic where the submissive partner consensually gives up their autonomy to the dominant partner in all aspects of their life, not just during BDSM scenes. This type of relationship requires a high level of trust, communication, and energy. While plenty of people enjoy the fantasy of this dynamic, the reality looks much different than that depicted in erotica and the challenges that come along with it are more intense than in a typical D/s dynamic with a set end to play time.
Switching
A Switch is a person who can take on the role of either a top or Dominant or a bottom or submissive, depending on the situation and negotiations between everyone involved. **They are valid in the roles they take on.** The notion that there is only one correct way to be a Dominant, a submissive, or any variation is rooted in misinformation and old-guard practices that have since been scrutinized for their lack of risk assessment and management.
Fetishists
A Fetishist is an individual who is aroused by a specific object, body part, or situation. This particular interest or fetish often plays a significant role in their sexual activities and could be incorporated into their BDSM scenes or dynamics. More often in professional Domination spaces, you will hear fetishists referred to as people Who have fetishes and indulge in fetish play without necessarily being Dominant, submissive, or into power exchange to distinguish them from submissives.
Beyond the Dynamics
Kink is customizable for the people involved. There is no “one true way” to do anything. The only thing that binds us together as a broader community is the understanding of explicit consent needed to engage in risky, alternative behaviors and lifestyles. That’s it.
It’s also crucial to acknowledge the spectrum of dynamics that exist between D/s during scenes only and TPE.
Many people in D/s relationships, likely the majority, practice D/s in ways that extend beyond play time but don’t encompass all life aspects. For most people in kinky relationships, it’s a preferable option over complete authority transfer.
For example:
It’s quite common to want your dominant partner to control aspects such as your orgasm or your water intake, but not necessarily want them to dictate whether you should quit your job or how often you should call your mom.
While these examples are written from the submissive’s perspective, it’s entirely valid for the dominant partner to say, “I don’t want to control that detail.” Add in the fact a ton of D/ types are neurodivergent, burnout from trying to control and keep track of all the little details all the time is just not realistic.
The Key to Success
Communication is always the key to any successful relationship. It’s common to want your dominant partner to control certain aspects of your life, but not necessarily all. The dominant partner might also choose not to control certain details.
Here’s hoping this 101 guide helps you better understand what you want or need out of a kinky dynamic with a partner or partners!
Special thanks to @strange_cares and @yesssnirvana on Twitter/x for their contributions to these definitions and ideas.
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