
I need you to understand the difference between serving a Domme, being a fan/supporter, and being a burden.
Being in service to a Domme is taking actions that have little to no perceived benefit to yourself, but enhance the life of the Domme. You don’t do things for them in hopes you get something out of the interaction for yourself except seeing someone you admire happy. (I would argue that service subs benefit the most just from personal growth, let alone guidance from their Domme.)
Service shouldn’t require extensive emotional, mental, or physical labor from the Domme you’re serving. Ask yourself- Do I need to continuously ask my Domme for instructions on how to do a task, show Me how to do the task, or hand hold Me while I do the task? Could I maybe look these things up and learn how to do them on my own before undertaking this task, unless given explicit instructions on how they want it done? Am I doing this with the expectation that I’m going to get something out of it? Is my ass clean today?
Buying content, booking a session, or paying for online interactions, while appreciated, aren’t being IN service. That’s purchasing OUR services. You wouldn’t go to your mechanic and say you’re in service to them because you paid for their labor and you think they’re hot, would you? If you said yes, please go play in the Alaskan winter while wet and naked.
Again- being IN service to a Domme is relieving the burden of having to exert labor of any kind.
Buying content and sessions is not being of service, it is supporting their work.
Expecting a Domme to fulfill your needs without reciprocation or compensation is being a burden and an entitled little skid mark. We have enough to deal with, go play outside…in the street.
If you are not actively working on breaking down external and internalized misogyny and shame, going to therapy, or building or participating in a supportive community or group of friends so you’re not creating excessive emotional labor for your Domme, learning new skills, or improving current skills so you can be of better service to your Domme, you are going to be more of a burden than is necessary. Do not bother trying to form a D/s relationship if you’re not trying to share your joy and experience, but rather use someone as a crutch.
Thanks for coming to My DommeTalk.
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RESOURCES:
“The Flowering Wand: Rewilding the Sacred Masculine” by Sophie Strand
How Sexism hurts everyone: